"DREAM"
Photography and Creative Direction by Rosebeth Akharamen
BEING THE FIRST FRIEND TO GET PREGNANT - MATERMEA FEATURE
I had the pleasure of being featured on MATER MEA - an informative platform for black mothers to tell their stories, build community, and share resources. The feature topic was advice I’d give to someone who is the first person of their friend group to get pregnant. I wanted to elaborate on this topic more and give more extensive advice. Heres five pointers :
Don’t expect people who have never been pregnant before to understand what you need without verbalizing exactly that. People who have not experienced pregnancy do not know how scary or emotional this process is. Some people have experienced pregnancy but its been too long for them to remember the details.
Take this time to establish a spiritual connection with your baby, pay attention to their personality traits when they’re moving in your belly. Are they up more in the middle of the night ? How do they react to certain foods you’re eating ? Are they active or chill ?
NESTING ! - Busy yourself with creating an ideal space for your baby. Whether you have a room, an apartment or lots of room in a house MAKE IT COZY and personalize. You will be spending so much time here, not leaving much once your baby is born. So make sure you wake up everyday grateful for the interior around you.
Focus on your partner or those who are there for you. The most random people became my support system when I was pregnant. My little cousin Kortne who is about 3 years younger than me ended up being the person who checked on me everyday. We became very close at this time. She has a three year old daughter, and she is still someone I can go to when I have questions.
Understand that this is all temporary. Just as you are adjusting to being pregnant, people are adjusting to how your relationship with them may change. Now, you can’t go out and drink or be as available as you used to. Also, if you’re the first to get pregnant in your friend group, this may put a little pressure on your friends or make them feel a little behind if they are nowhere near this stage in their lives. Allow that time for distance and if the relationship is strong enough it will prevail.
To explore MATERMEA & see this feature visit the link http://bit.ly/2MtIWQP
Visit @matermea Instagram to meet some mama friends.
30 BEFORE 30
Next month, I turn twenty-eight. In general I am pretty excited about getting older. I’m not a woman who is afraid of aging. Honestly I think your twenties are awful, and confusing ! With time I get wiser, calmer and more realistic. By the time you’re thirty you have a sharper concept of time. By thirty I feel I’ll be even more comfortable in my skin. I’ll have more of the life I intended to have. At 28 I am almost there, Im just ready to reap the benefits of the personal and professional work I put in. As my twenties are ending there are some things I’d love to accomplish these last two years. While creating this post I realized how little time I have to make these things happen, but I am determined. Here they are in no particular order.
Run a marathon
Host a fancy dinner holiday party
Travel out of the country
Straighten my hair (Its been 8 years)
Buy a jeep
Design and create my ideal home
Get a cat ( female)
Write + Publish a book
Intimate girls trip in Joshua Tree
Take Phoenix to the beach
Karaoke
Perform spoken word / poetry
Be featured in a magazine
Learn to make gumbo
Take a ceramics class
Donate a $1,000 to a non-profit that resonates with my beliefs.
Teach high school English & Literature
Roadtrip across country for two weeks
Go to one of those fancy 5 hour spa days
Get a film camera
Be debt free
Have a nice savings
Baecation in San Fran + Oregon (all in one trip)
Buy Mac desktop computer
Speak on a panel with other black women.
Have a wardrobe that I am in love with.
Continue minimalism.
Curate at least two successful creative projects
Travel for New Years
Be more knowledgable about books, authors & literature in general
What are some things I can add to my list ?
GENERATIONAL TRAUMA
Generational trauma is a topic that is very sensitive for me. I think the awareness of it has heightened within the black community and its something that needs to be addressed. Now that I have my own child I often think about what he will take from me and pass on to his own children. Generational trauma makes me hyper aware of each decision I make as a mother.
From what I remember I had a great childhood. However, there are a lot of behavioral patterns and mental disorders I am now having to unlearn & break apart 27 years later. Now is a time where us parents have much more modern access to information regarding health and raising our children. This is also a time where old school child-raising methods are now lost and the simpler ways of living have disintegrated. I am painfully caught in the middle. Raising Phoenix, I try to take what was sturdy from my upbringing and mix it with modern practices I’ve picked up since becoming a parent.
Two things I will be sure to ingrain my son :
To not be afraid of his feelings. I will always be open to him appropriately expressing himself without shutting him out. My generation of men are all emotionally unavailable because they were raised thinking they had to be STRONG and HARD to be a man. They were raised thinking it wasn’t okay to cry, even as young boys.
To follow his own path. My generation was raised to
Graduate highschool
Pick a college & career path ( at age 18-19)
Graduate College/Find a Career with your degree
Meet your significant other/Get married (around age 24)
Buy a House and have kids (maybe a dog) travel if lucky
Die
Literally these are the typical expectations. I will give my son time to figure out who he is. I will allow him to actively explore the opportunities life has presented him with. I will encourage him to travel, for the love of his life could be on the other side of the world. I will assist him in finding his true passion so that he isn’t aimlessly wallowing in depression and self defeat a majority of his twenties.
I will get to know my son for who he grows into. I will not try to vicariously live through him and force my wants onto his life. I will not alienate him. I will place him into the world with the right mental and emotional tools.
Its so easy to get lost in this world. Generationally, we are taught to be “strong” ignore the pain that comes with this life.
I will teach him new strength.
These pictures are of Phoenix and his cousin Kylie. The future.
BABY FREE ART DATE
Anytime Troy and I have time without Phoenix the energy is so peculiar. As soon as we separate from him it feels like a different realm of life. Its too easy getting out of the car freely without having to grab his diaper bag or get his stroller out of the trunk. Its like we miss him but just as equally, we are in disbelief to be free.
During our travel home (Houston) I asked my Granny if she could watch him for the day. I dislike asking for babysitters and have extreme guilt in general about asking for help involving my son. He's only been babysat about five times in his life. I knew Troy and I needed this break and I knew she would say yes !! Being the first time mom that I am, I gave her a lengthy verbal speech about how to babysit him for a day. My granny is overqualified for watching a baby. (The most important part was showing her how to work his Ipad) and we were off !
We went straight to the Menil Collection that day. Art museums are something we’ve enjoyed together since the very beginning of our relationship. I personally am more into tactile, modern, contemporary, African and Asian History art. Troy is open and into most art, he really enjoys Basqiat, Mark Rothko paintings and anything interpretive. I would say the museum is my favorite place to people watch. You see a lot of people on dates, you see parents trying to pre expose their children to art. You see artists themselves. You see a lot of fashion and camera stunting and I love every bit of it.
When we arrived there were people outside picnicking and drinking wine on the Rothko Chapel lawn. We took some pictures outside of the museum before we went in as Menil does not allow pictures. The vibe on the inside does feel really sacred and timeless. We floated in and out of each gallery room taking our time and observing whatever grabbed our attention.
We extended our photoshoot after we left and that was all it took for us to be fulfilled. A two hour date to the museum, just the two of us.
Photos taken at Menil Collection Museum in Houston Texas 12/23/2018
BEHIND THE SCENES
This past weekend, the boys & I had our first family shoot. My good friend Rosebeth, a Houston native photographer asked if she could capture my family. I knew beforehand it would be a disaster taking professional photos with an 18 month old. Luckily, she has been my friend since college and has tons of experience with kids. A few years ago, when Troy and I were living in California she drove all 3 of us to Joshua Tree and took shots we used as our anniversary pictures. Her vision is a gift to the black community. I am excited to get the images back and add them to LADYFOX, but until then, here are some behind the scenes shots.
If you want to check out more of her work :
www.isirose.com
IG : isi.rose_
Photos taken at The West Studios in the Heights Houston 12/23/2018
2018.
2018 was an overall dramatic year for me. The last four months of it have been surprisingly blissful. This year was my first FULL YEAR of motherhood, and I am still a rookie. This was my first year growing and cultivating with my own family through this world. I have learned how to run a household effectively. I think I am now submerged in what people call “adulthood”. Although I do feel like an adult, I still feel the warmth of youth. This year we traveled a lot, so we were low on money this summer from our travels (worth it). We took a couple of “out of state” trips and then at least 7 road-trips home (Houston). As a couple, we began to focus more on each other and whats best for all three of us as a unit. Troy and I have established our expectations for the New Year and years to come. I feel prepared for 2019. I can feel my style re-emerging after being pregnant/having Phoenix. I am starting to feel more creative and more connected to my vision. I usually am desperate for the year to end, but I will miss 2018. This year made me stronger all the way around and introduced me to the best parts of who I am.
Photos taken at The Jones Assembly in Oklahoma City 12/2/18
MAMA FRIENDS
Here are a few intimate moments from a lovely meet up with Baby Zula (I call her Zula Boo) and her mama Ayaba. Although I had seen Ayaba around Houston a couple times, I never knew how significant she would be years later to my life. Ayaba is an aspiring midwife, she does birth-work AND is an organic hairstylist in Houston.
We began to chat back and forth via Instagram DM early 2017 when we both had announced our pregnancies. Endless hours were spent talking about all the hopes and wonders of motherhood. We had a lot in common. We are the same age, both Pisces women and our babies are just shy of two months a part. And, how cute is it that we showed up with the same shoes on ? When I finally saw her and talked to her in person, it felt just as it did during our many conversations, except we were running after our toddlers the entire time. We talked almost everyday when we were pregnant and still frequently giving each other advice along the way. I think its important to have other moms as friends or communicative support. This was my favorite part about my last visit home to Houston.
Images shot in Third Ward at Doshi House. 11/24/2018
To follow Zula & Ayabas journey :
IG - @iyaearth
Ayabas blog : ileiya.wordpress.com
