48 HOURS IN HOUSTON

Visiting home is always a sweet feeling that places me in the hands of nostalgia. There’s something that feels good about seeing familiar streets and buildings. As soon as we get into the city, the feeling of home seeps into our hearts. There’s a sense of safety and remembering things you forgot about. Even the air just feels and smells different. The sound of the traffic and city bustle is like no other.
Saturday morning Phoenix had his first haircut appointment. The barber who cut his hair was also Troys’ adolescent barber. I’ve wanted Phoenix to have a proper cut for months, but his dad insisted that it had to be done by someone special. We waited until we traveled home to schedule his cut. Even though I was the one who pushed for it, I was on edge when it was time to go down. The barber seemed really comfortable, like he had done this a thousand times, which made me more comfortable. I was afraid that Phoenix would squirm and ruin his haircut, but he didn’t. He sat still and smiled and laughed as the barber cut and trimmed his hair. It was like he knew this was his special moment. I was the mom in the shop taking pictures and videos of the entire thing.

My baby is growing up.

MY TOP 15 FAVORITE PODCASTS

MAN ! Im so happy to be writing about my beloved podcasts. This year podcasts have really been my thing and I can’t believe I didn’t discover them sooner. I am fortunate to have a job right now where I can have my headphones in for a full eight hour shift. This is beautiful because I am so against working for someone else ALL DAY and not contributing to self at all. Podcasts have been such a healthy way for me to grow as a person while having a much more enjoyable experience at work. Podcasts have put a whole new twist on how I look at my work day and has consistently kept me IN MY BAG.

Here are all my favorite podcasts in no particular order with a quick description of my opinion on them. This is a guide I WISH someone had created for me ! I listen to anywhere from 8 to 10 podcasts a day. Sometimes I do feel that this is unhealthy because there is a such thing as being OVER INSPIRED. Sometimes I take in so much information that I have more inspiration than I need and don’t know what to do with it or how to sort it all mentally. So please don’t be like me, podcast safely ! Because I am also a music lover, I rarely listen to podcasts in the car but lots of other people do. Other good times to listen to podcasts are at home while you’re cleaning up or taking a shower. Maybe on a long road trip when you run out of music, or even as you cook or work out.

This podcast lifestyle is perfect for my soul. I used to think I was an introvert and really prided myself in that for some silly reason. As I get older, I’m realizing how much of an extrovert I actually am. I love people ! I am a huge conversationalist, I love to talk. I love to hear different peoples perspectives and life stories. Podcasts allow me to be a little bit of both. I can be an introvert and ingest without speaking, while also feeding my extroverted half ! I hope this list does you well and my goal is for you to at least discover ONE podcast you like. Happy listening !

1. 2HII2GOHELL : THE MIDNIGHT PODCAST - This podcast is basically my church. The host Mikel Ameen is such a spiritually in tune young black man. I listen to him when I need spiritual direction. His podcasts answer questions that I have about my life, my culture, love and energy in general. He is wise and trustworthy. He’s a big advocate for returning black people to Africa in a matter of factly and informative way. He provides advice and information on soul searching and being the best version of yourself. He is perfect to listen to if you are in tune with your blackness and want to grow in that. When you first start the podcast, the intro song is a little weird but you’ll grow to love it and feel relaxed instantly when you hear it. Don’t get it twisted, even though Mikel is wise - he is a FOOL. His personality is refreshing and infectious. Listen to him when you want to recognize the GOD within yourself.

2. THE READ
WOW. Where do I even start ? The Read is a really popular OG Podcast. Most black twenty and thirty somethings who listen to podcasts enjoy The Read. This podcast is hosted by Kid Fury and Crissle. These two are the funniest pair. This show is informative and HONEST. The read is like my news. I can get the latest political, pop culture and self care information that I need wrapped up in one. I laugh out loud a lot listening to The Read ! They have grown so much and have a show now on fuse. These two hold it down for the gay community which I love and appreciate. They make it very clear that this is a black space. My favorite part is the listener letters at the end. If you don’t listen to The Read, what are you even doing with your life ?

3. HEY, GIRL.
ThIS podcast is hosted by Alex Elle. Alex Elle is a writer who I’ve followed since my college days. I have watched her grow from a single mother to a married woman with THREE KIDS. Her podcast is magical because she has guests on - and is really skilled at picking the right people to interview and asking the right questions. Hey, Girl is for you if you are a woman, mother, or entrepreneur and most importantly into self-care as that is Alex’s trademark and focus in my opinion. This podcast has pushed me forward as a writer, mother, WOMAN and just as a human being who is processing life. Alex is special because she collaborates with people all across the creative scale. Listen to her if you need organized love and inspiration, that’s the best way to put it.

4. THE MOST UNKNOWN PODCAST
So - I don’t even know who these guys are. I haven’t found them on social media yet. But from my understanding this podcast is hosted by 3-4 black men based in Maryland or somewhere near D.C. I am making this assumption based off their accents and all the episodes I’ve heard so far. I love them because they are funny as hell and I get a look at how men my age and race think. The way these men bounce their opinions off of each other about women, marriage, music, travel, sports - is just something else ! This keeps me in tune with the latest in a mans world - and helps me to understand my boyfriend more -as well. If I can listen to three cis men without being annoyed, then you know they have something. They also have women on as guests, which I like. Listening to them is like a ping pong game between black men and women.

5. MARK GROVES - MAKING YOUR HEART MAKE SENSE
Dont even listen to this podcast if you’re not ready to do the work. Mark Groves is such an intelligent man. He explores all of the topics related to self growth, relationships, nutrition, finances, health - you name it. I must admit - listening to his podcasts are like going to a therapy session or getting slapped in the face. His episodes are a massive awakening and open door to do some serious adulting. I can only tolerate one episode a day because he is just so real and intelligent that its offensive. I love this podcast so much and I know ill be a much better person after hearing them all. Right now I am listening to all the old ones as well as new.

6. COCKTALES - DIRTY DISCUSSIONS
This podcast is hosted by “Kiki” and “Medina” - based in Atlanta. This podcast is a sex based podcast but also just very fun and free flowing. Listening to these two makes me feel like I am on the phone with my best friend. This podcast is informative about sex education but also touches a lot on relationships as a single woman as well as monogamous relationship. They chat about their weekend plans and experiences with men. I listen to this podcast when I want to unwind and have a mental cocktail. This podcast is relatable and sexy !

7. GOOD MOMS, BAD CHOICES
This podcast is EASILY in my top 3. If you are a young “cool” mom - this is for you. The hosts are LA based and both beautiful and free.The rawness, the topics are crazy relatable. I found these two about a month ago and its really the only podcast that is successful of channeling the EXACT energy of a young mom just trying to make it. They are vocal about the struggle and the experiences in a very unapologetic way. These two are both single moms and share so much information on relationships and why their relationships didnt work and all things BABY DADDIES. This podcast is not for you if you are a judgmental, cookie cutter, perfect mom. This podcast is for women who embrace the bumps in the road. Hands down, the most empowering mom podcast I’ve come across so far.

8. INSUBORDINATION
This podcast is one that seems small right now but will grow to be really big. This is the ratchet goodness that I just need in my life sometimes. These two are comparable to “The Read” in regards to the male host vs female host back and forth banter. I think these two are based somewhere in the DMV. I love their accents, I love their topics. Theres a session at the end where they flow and its hilarious. Its honestly just a podcast thats BLACK AS HELL and makes me happy. These two have popping topics and healthy bickering. My week is not complete without them. This is a healthy dialogue between a man and woman and welcomes understanding more than just your own perspective on controversial topics. Its obvious that this is just two friends who got together and started a podcast based off of a similar vision and it works. Its not super fancy or heavily structured like bigger podcasts - but thats why I like it.

9. ENTROPY AND DAE
Oh, Dae ! I enjoy this podcast when the sun is down. Dae speaks to my inner pisces. He addresses feelings and he rambles about his thoughts and his journey in a really refreshing and relatable way. This is usually a thirty minute or less mash up of random feelings that we all feel but don’t know how to put in words. The vulnerability is bone chilling and makes you feel naked in a good way. Listening to this podcast is my equivalent to the sensation right after a good workout, sex or a good cry. If you’re into emotions - you’ll be into this.

10. THE LAVENDAIRE PODCAST
Listen to this podcast if you are a creative and need instant motivation/inspiration. Listen to this podcast if you have an idea and don’t know what to do with it. Listen to this podcast if you are about to give up on life. Aileen Xu is such a light. She is organized, professional and just gives you the shove you need to live the life you dream of. Lavendaire is the reason why a lot of the things I used to wish for, I have now. Simple as that. She has a relaxing voice and helps you come up with a plan. If you are lost, youll know which direction to go after listening to her. This podcast was my therapy when I couldn’t afford it. If you are a visual person, she is also on Youtube. Do yourself a favor. So much free game.

11. THE DAVID BANNER PODCAST
This is a podcast every black person should listen to. This podcast keeps you in the know about resources, politics, history all while being fun and colorful. David Banner is a black advocate and he is serious and loving to his people. His team is funny and they all have the perfect balance amongst each other. If you want to understand how we got here as a culture and how to evolve - LISTEN NOW. I had the pleasure of seeing David Banner speak a couple years ago and this man is out here doing the work.

12. DEADASS
Deadass is a podcast hosted by New York based married couple Khadeen and Devale. I do think this podcast is a little mature for me, as these two are older, married and have three kids. It gives me access to advice I could use in the years to come. This podcast sheds light on marriage, parenting, financial literacy, racial matters and business ventures. These two are also Youtubers and have lots of other involvement in television and entertainment. While I don’t agree with everything they say, I think they are a beautiful representation of black families. They hit all the topics most couples are scared to address.

13. FAMILY SECRETS
A dark, twisted and addictive podcast about secrets revealed within families. Family studies is an interest of mine and Dani Shapiro is an amazing writer. I listen to this podcast when I want to feel something. Plain and Simple.

14. SO, WHAT DO YOU DO AGAIN ?
This podcast is hosted by New York based Naomi Elizee. I love this podcast because it keeps me in the loop with all the New York hot girls. This podcast is about fashion, how to navigate as a young black woman in the creative world. This podcast is community based, and a platform for women to support each other. I think every city needs this kind of energy on the creative scene. This is a beautiful way to take up space and share resources. This podcast appeals to my fashion side and highlights all my favorite fashionistas from Instagram. I am excited to see where this podcast goes as it is a compilation of entrepreneurship, black girl magic and overall killing the game. Its proof that we can collaborate without being competitive and that there’s enough seats at the table for all of us.

15. THE BREAKFAST CLUB
So this is a radio show also, but I love the podcast. People have a lot of negative things to say about the Breakfast Club and I understand why. BUT - the celebrity interviews are just so good. Breakfast Club is the reason why I gave so many artists a chance. After hearing interviews of artists I’ve always passed up on, I go listen and fall in love with them. The Breakfast Club can sometimes seem like a lions den but I have a deep appreciation for the artists who go in swinging and represent themselves so freaking gracefully in an environment that is set up for you to be uncomfortable. Watching artists shine and set boundaries on the Breakfast Club is beyond enjoyable.
Also, When Troy and I first started dating we would both be driving to work in separate cars, but listening to the breakfast club together to see who got “Donkey of The Day”. If you’re into music and ALL THE MESS - listen to the breakfast club.

ALL ABOUT MY THERAPY EXPERIENCE

For the past month and a half, I’ve been going to therapy once a week. I am really open to share my thoughts on therapy, because I feel like everyone could benefit from it. I realized that I needed to go to therapy when my emotions and mental chatter began to effect me and my families life. For the first time in my life, at 28, I was experiencing true trauma and just plain sadness. If I had to describe this feeling I would say it hurts when you breathe. When you inhale and exhale you literally feel pain in your heart. Sometimes its faint and sometimes its strong, but either way its present. After a while, it starts to feel like prison, but inside of yourself. This is really dark, but its real. Usually I can manage my own emotions over a couple months with working out and writing but this time it was beyond my control. I also have really trustworthy friends who get me through hard times, but its not fair to always suck your friends into your trauma. Everyone has their own issues to deal with.

It takes maturity to admit that you need to seek professional help. I knew I needed a listening ear, and an unbiased opinion. It wasn’t hard for me to find a therapist once I started looking. Like most things in my life, I take what comes to me and view it as a plan of action from the universe. The only requirement I had was that she was a black woman. In less than two months, this person has helped me comb out all the kinks and get to the root of my issues. She held me accountable, while also saving space for me to be vulnerable. She gave me some perspectives that I never would have considered.

When I went to my first therapy session, it was a full circle moment before I even stepped in. The same building I took my teacher certification exam, was the same building my therapists office was in. Two MAJOR and scary moments in my life located in the same building. The first session was all about my therapist getting to know me. I told her about my concerns and what I was dealing with, I also told her about the good things in my life as well. The whole first session was just me getting into surface emotions and background of who I am and my belief system. It was really interesting for someone like me who considers themselves a healer to need healing but there I was - on her couch.

I took my therapy sessions really seriously and dressed business casual for the most part. I felt like, if I’m coming to you with my life in shambles, the least I could do is look cute. When going to therapy you have to keep in mind that, your issues are not ALL that you're made up of. Those sessions were really the only time during the week I put REAL clothes on and felt presentable and beautiful. At the end of the day, you dress a certain way to handle your work business, you dress a certain way for your social business. So how do you want to look when doing self business ? Maybe this is my weird way of trying to tie fashion into therapy, but this worked for me. The photos up top are elevator selfies from my first four therapy sessions.

I’m now at a place where I feel like I can chop my sessions down to twice a month, instead of every week. I feel like myself again and I am really grateful. I actually feel better than I’ve felt in a long time. Once you face your truth, there comes a sense of freedom with that. As humans, we go years and years without verbalizing how we feel about certain things. We just leave the thoughts there to float in our minds, and that just isn’t healthy. There is a comfort that comes with being heard and understood. The best way to take care of yourself is acknowledging when something is wrong. The one hour sessions of me speaking to her over coffee really have changed my life. This is very similar to when the engine light comes on in your car but you keep driving and driving. Eventually, your car will force you to get these repairs during a really inconvenient time. This is how health works, mental and physical. I urge you to tend to whatever lights are on.

Are you considering going to therapy ? What questions do you have ?

PHOENIX AS AN ASTRONAUT FOR HALLOWEEN !

Halloween is in full effect !! A tradition I started when Phoenix was born is to DIY and go a little overboard with his costumes. I want to encourage exploring the imagination and this is the perfect holiday for that. Reality can get exhausting, so its fun to have one day where you can just be something else. He doesn't understand the concept of Halloween yet, so I still get to choose what I want him to be. It took a long time to decide on astronaut, but I was sure once I started to research what approach I would take.

When thinking of costumes for Phoenix, I try to think of really simple things that I can make my own. This was very challenging because with a two year old, you have to think about how comfortable the costume is. They may be fussy and refuse to let you get pictures if the costume is too tight, heavy, itchy or includes a headpiece. I knew Phoenix wouldn’t let us put anything on his head for too long, which is why most of the pictures are without the “helmet”.

We took him to a neighborhood called the “Plaza District” to capture his costume. This area has a ton of graffiti and promising backdrops. This is the same place we took his Halloween pictures last year when he was a Lion (included below). We always dress up and take pictures a little early because we don’t trick or treat yet. I can’t wait until he gets older and I can show him how much effort I put into his costumes. I hope he grows to love Halloween and using his imagination. Maybe next year, he will choose what he wants to be. Celebrating and dressing him up definitely brought joy into my life right when I needed it. What are the kiddos in your life going as this year ? What are some other traditions you’ve started for this time of year ?

LETTING YOUR INTUITION LEAD THE WAY

I’ve been studying the power of intuition and manifestation lately, and the ways they can be used to enhance my life. My intuition spoke to me heavily as a child. I always felt this inner power pulling me towards certain ideas or thoughts. My intuition was potent, and I knew it was a positive force even though I was too young to identify what it was exactly. As a child, I imagined my intuition to be my fairy godmother like Whitney Houston on the “Cinderella” with Brandy as the lead role (iconic). I watched that movie so much growing up. I had it on VHS and it never got old to me. My imagination and my intuition were bonded together until I matured and could decipher the difference between the two.

As an adult, I realize that imagination, intuition and manifestation are three key things than can propel me to where I want to be. If only I knew then how powerful these things would be later in life. The imagination of a child is so unique and undisturbed. That is the place I try to return to when being creative and seeking authentic experiences through my art and way of living. Right now, meditation is restoring my ability to connect to organic and fresh thoughts. I’ve been able to recall specific moments from my childhood, which reminds me who I was before I was influenced so much by the world. This nostalgic feeling is pretty addicting and is pressing me into an even deeper spiritual realm. Understanding that everyone has a different reality and that you have the ability to view the world however you choose has brought me to a space of accountability.

A really scary part of adulthood is realizing that you have all of the control and responsibility over your life. Your well being and success depends on how much love you give to yourself day to day. Your energy is a reflection of your heart and your intentions for yourself and others. People who vibrate at high levels can spot another glowing being from a mile away, and thats what I want to be. I want to be someone who radiates love and vulnerability. I want to be someone who is content and ever-changing in response to life and its waves.

One idea thats been really repetitive in my studies is that, when you are going though something and experience a wave of sadness or depression, that is the universes way of trying to encourage CHANGE. If you feel stagnant or unsatisfied, what is it that you need to change in order to be better again ? Being able to know when to make certain shifts really can change you for the better.

A concept that has resonated with me is checking my “inner landscape” throughout the day. Asking myself, how am I feeling right now and why ? What do I need in order to feel most comfortable in this moment. What are my intentions for the remainder of my day ? This helps me make the most of my life, because there are no moments where I am disconnected from myself. How can I connect to other things, if I am not connected to self ?

One thing I need to work on is focusing on my breath more. Conscious breathing, and appreciating being able to breathe through my nose. When you breathe, you should be taking deep and full breaths. Most humans only take in half of the breath they actually are supposed to take which effects brain function, mood and a bunch of other things I won’t get into right now. But yes, I need to focus more on my breath.

This is where I am right now in my spirituality. I am looking at spirituality in its collaboration with all things mental/emotional. Where are you in your spiritual journey and what are some resources you turn to for research ?

OCTOBER, THERAPY & CLIMBING OUT OF THE HOLE

Eleven days into the month, and things are looking alright. The fact that there are only two and a half months left of this year is getting more and more real to me. Right now, I am just focusing on making the best of them and planning exciting things along the way. 2019 is the best year I’ve had in a long time, but things have taken a dip since late August. There’s been a series of things that have happened outside of my control. This whole year has been about self care, understanding my anxiety, and overcoming hardships. Now, its like the universe is checking to see if I’m really about that life. Im being tested to see if I can stay at a peaceful place despite lifes’ curveballs. The old me would resort to isolation. I would take a long Instagram break, and distance myself from those around me. This space is much different, and I am acknowledging that I actually need those around me during hard times.

Last weekend my best-friend came into town. We ate, drank, laughed and did all the normal things you do with your best-friend. Troy and I got a babysitter, and we all went out for the first time in months ! When she left, I felt uplifted and grateful. Living in a separate state from my loved ones is hard, so when they come see me the time is cherished. The familiarity and quality time brings me back to myself in such a beautiful way.

This weekend my grandparents are visiting, which should also be really nice. Its that season, where you get to see all the people you love, and the visiting begins. I really do love this time of year for that reason alone. In the meantime, I’ve been really focused on freelance writing, brainstorming for Phoenixs’ halloween costume and making sure I prioritize working out and eating as clean as possible.

I also saw a therapist for the first time yesterday. The experience was pleasant and much like I thought it would be. I think everyone deserves to go to therapy and its a shame everyone doesn’t have access. I am happy that I’m naturally taking a completely different route to cater to my mental health than usual. Changed actions result in a changed life. I’ll speak more on therapy after I go to 5 or so sessions, so that I can give a true perspective.

I hope you guys are doing well and making memories with those you love. Above are some bestie pics taken last weekend at the museum.

MELANCHOLY AT THE FARMERS MARKET

Right now, I am emotionally preparing for October. For the first time this year, I feel unprepared for a new month. Generally speaking, I am a lover of new days, new weeks, months and years. I am feeling a heavy sensation for change. Something extreme like a tattoo, or a new pet or moving again. I guess thats the Pisces in me, always feeling the need to wander and explore new territories. Everything I’ve asked for and manifested is at my fingertips and I am a little overwhelmed.

I went to the farmers market this weekend and the energy was pleasant. It felt like everyone was getting in the mood for holidays and socialization. Every interaction I had while I was there, was positive. There was even a small pumpkin patch set up. For some reason, I couldn’t match the tone. I felt left behind, and not “with the program.” I was very thankful for the conversation and brief exchanges I did have. I got to try an edible flower atop a chocolate mousse treat. I tried plenty of samples and smiled at strangers and familiar faces.

How does this new season, and soon to be new month have you feeling ?

GLAMPING WITH MY FAMILY DURING FALL EQUINOX

It was very hard deciding where we wanted to go for our anniversary trip, but we chose Green Acres ATX. Green Acres is a glamping site in Elgin, Texas about 30 minutes outside of Austin. I always try to find really eclectic places for us to visit. I really enjoy small towns, and roads less traveled. The reason why I searched Elgin Texas on Airbnb is because a lot of my dads roots were there. His grandparents lived and died in Elgin. I thought it would be relaxing and nostalgic to revisit. When I saw the Yurts online, I was sold. It was a little pricey, but worth it in the end. Anything nature related is good for my family.

My one goal for the trip was to see a shooting star, which did not happen. I am nearing thirty and I’ve never seen a shooting star !! When we arrived, we were the only ones there, which was nice. It was blazing hot - about 98 degrees. We got dressed and decided to head to Austin for a few hours. We ended up at Whole Foods, getting all the “glamping necessities”. It was the most beautiful Whole Foods I’d ever been in. (Fun Fact: Whole Foods started in Austin.) This is my favorite grocery store, and is always a treat. We are such a simple family, that a trip to the grocery store was satisfying and fun for us. Afterwards, we drove around the city and grabbed a quick snack then headed back to our Yurt for the rest of the weekend.

That night we cooked salmon filets and patties on the grill, with corn on the cob. Troy got a nice fire going, and we sipped champagne. There was coincidentally another couple there, who was also celebrating their 5 year anniversary. They had music playing, and it was just a special vibe even though we didn’t know them. Something I really enjoyed about Green Acres, was the partially outdoor shower. Outdoor showers get me every time. Feeling connected to nature, while bathing is just dreamy. The grounds was as comfortable as “camping” could possibly be. Phoenix was really enjoying the nature and in his element.

The next day, we got a good look at the donkeys and alpacas. They were in walking distance of our yurt and it was a cool experience for Phoenix, he was really excited to see them. I cooked a quick breakfast on the grill, while Troy took his outdoor shower. We were eager to head into town and experience Elgin’s culture. Elgin is a really small town, and all of the shops were located in a strip “Downtown”. I was really shocked to see these shops because when I was a little girl, it seemed like NOTHING was there beyond my great grandparents’ house.

First we went into a thrift store where I found a really cute vintage bathing suit for one dollar. Then we went into an antique shop, and various other little shops with trinkets and other collectables. We stumbled into a boutique that only sold items made by women, and had great conversation with a girl who worked there. We found this consignment shop that also served as a wine bar with a decked out leafy patio. We stayed there for a bit and had wine-ritas, which were delicious. Troy and I really enjoyed that owners conversation as well. Lastly we went to Meyers Smoke House which is a famous restaurant in Elgin known for its sausage. I remember going there as a tiny girl with my parents. Troy loves bar-b-q, so I couldn’t wait to take him there. We ate in the car, because Phoenix was asleep and we didn’t want to risk waking him. Troy really loved his food and we had a nice car date together.

For the rest of the trip we spent time outdoors, watching Phoenix run through the property. We listened to a lot of music and really tapped into each other. Our day to day gets really robotic and this trip was a nice change of pace. It was weird to be without my laptop or to do list, but was very refreshing. Nature trips are really good for toddlers because they can’t mess anything up, or break anything. The wilderness is “pre baby proofed”. The drive for us was about 5.5 hours each way. We’ve done a lot of road trips, and I honestly like being on the road. I love seeing the change of scenery between states, I love the jam sessions. I enjoy the stops and getting snacks and just being in different places. I feel very lucky and blessed to be able to travel, even if its not that far. Traveling really is good for my soul and resets me every time.

Id love to go back to Green Acres, with friends or family. Its the perfect place to connect with others, without distraction. This little town was so fun to take pictures in and do some light writing. Have you ever been glamping before ? What was your experience like ?

CHLOE' & TROY CELEBRATE 5 YEARS

The morning of the photo session was quiet and warm. I desperately thrifted this plum set the evening before the shoot. It fit perfectly, and happened to be my favorite color. We showed up and our photographer Kiki (Kalie) immediately channeled our vision. Troy and I wanted a natural look, which influenced us to experiment with film. Film is really beautiful because the shots are so true, there are no do-overs. My friend Eric let us use his front porch and offered us cold water. This shoot felt quaint, special, and seamless. Phoenix managed to sneak in the last couple shots. I feel really lucky to experience true love. Our fifth year has been the best yet.

My most cherished moments are the simple ones. The Sunday mornings taking turns on the speaker. Listening to music, getting ready for our day. Existing together. I am most proud of our parenting style, and our friendship.

I have a partner who is strong, honest, and passionate. Most importantly, he chooses me everyday.

All photos taken by Kalie Mackey - on 35 mm film

HOW I HEALED MY ANXIETY

Recently, I shared how I healed my anxiety on “All The Pretty Birds”. Click here to read all about it.

This is a topic I talk about a lot on LADYFOX, but this article goes even more into depth about my personal practice. I am really excited about being able to share my journey on other platforms. Let me know what you think !

Artwork by : Justina Blakeney

19 DAYS UNTIL SUMMER ENDS

This summer was truly iconic for me, but I am ready to let it go. Over Labor Day weekend we spent time at the lake with some friends. It was really chill. It felt like the last time we’d swim or be in water for a while. I can feel that shift of seasons, and it is surreal. I am excited for whats to come, whatever that may be. Im going to slow down the next few weeks and try to simplify my life in preparation for the transition. I want to ride along with the current.

WAYS TO START SOUL SEARCHIN'

I’ve been receiving a lot of DM’s lately about self love and soul searching. People have asked me where to start and for advice on finding ones true self. This made me feel inclined to share more about my journey, just in case there are more who wonder the same. I think it’s really sweet that people think I have my shit together. I am deeply flattered to be trusted with such an intimate topic by another woman. Really I am just existing and constantly learning like everyone else. Most times, I do connect directly to my wisdom. But at other times, I have to acknowledge and sit with my ignorance. A big lesson I’ve learned as of late is that you cannot put any human being on a pedestal, because we are all wildly flawed beyond our imaginations. What I can do is share how I got to this point, and how I’ve arrived at a chapter of my life where I can trust myself and those around me. In this post, I will go into detail of the responses I typically send to those who ask for this type of advice. 

Soul searching for me was a very lonely process. Soul searching was mainly about solitude and shedding the layers that didn’t belong ; to reveal the true essence of myself. It’s a journey beyond everything you’ve been conditioned to believe. Soul searching and self care are best friends. Metaphorically, soul searching would be the cloud, as self care is the rain. The cloud is traveling & reshaping on an endless journey. While the rain sprinkles over your life and assists in your understanding and maturation. 

Here are some ways to embark on your soul search :

• Remove unnecessary people from your life - Anyone who makes you feel competitive, less than, disrespected, unhappy, bored or any negative emotion that disrupts your way of life - simply let them go. You will never meet the people truly intended to love you, if you don’t make room. This will be so hard. You may be emotionally connected out of habit and time, but you have to release those not meant for you. Lovers, and friends as well. Give others a chance to find their people.

• Find out what your morals and beliefs are. What boundaries do you have as a human being? What are the things that make up your character ? - Answering these questions will decide what kind of people you want around you and provide clarity of the type of person you want to be. It develops a true understanding of what you do and don’t appreciate. For me, I like consistency. I do really well with people who keep their word.I prefer people who have great communication skills and are upfront. Honesty is a big thing for me. I don’t tolerate people who can’t healthily navigate my sensitivity. What are your deal breakers ?

• This one is going to sound cheesy, but it’s so real. Knowing/Raising your worth. What makes you a valuable person ? What are you good at ? What skills do you have ? Are you intelligent ? Healthy ? What do you have to bring to any table ? Sometimes as human beings we can be really entitled. We consider ourselves a GIFT to people. But are you ? I realized during my soul search that I really wasn’t the shit like I thought I was. I was selfish, and I was defensive. I was smart but only about certain topics and points of interest. I began to take my health more seriously, physical and mental. I started to prioritize reading and studying different things. I talked to people more, like REALLY talked and absorbed information from them. I began to speak more intelligently and carry myself with more dignity and honor. I traveled more and got really into planning my trips. I started to dabble in different art forms to see what I’m good or suck at. Now, I can honestly say that I have something to give to those around me - whether that be advice or good company. Be able to hold a conversation with people of all ages and creeds.

• NEXT - Address your physical flaws and the things you’re self conscious about. This one is self explanatory. If your confidence is low, take those steps to building that by taking care of yourself. If you think you’re fat, work out. If you don’t like your hair, change it. If you wish you dressed nicer, begin. If you hate your teeth, get braces ! Change whatever it is that you don’t like about your appearance, because ignoring it won’t make it go away. At least this way, when you look in the mirror and think “I hate my stomach”. You can follow with “BUT I worked out everyday this week and in no time ill be snatched.” - There are things you cannot change (very few things these days.) But you will have to come to terms with those and work with what you have. 

• Understand how short life is and go after the things you want. I think a lot of people are “waiting for the right time” or think that they have so much time to do things. But at the end of the day, life is extremely short. If there’s something you want to do, start taking the steps to do it because before you know it, time will pass you by. In my experience, having my son really made me put my plans in motion. Once I had him, it made me realize how much free time I had BEFORE he arrived.I can’t stop wondering wtf I was doing with all those extra hours I had. Don’t go to work and then come home and not do anything for the rest of your day. Use that time to work on something beneficial ! 

• When it comes to LOVE or a significant other. NEVER SETTLE. What you want is out there. Don’t let people tell you that your standards are unrealistic. There is someone out there who can fulfill most of your desires. Save yourself for someone who respects the way you want to be loved. When you meet said person, you will know if they are worth sticking with through the hardships of life. Who you share your intimate life with is so serious. You naturally pick up on the habits and mindset of the life partner that you choose, so be careful. 

• Be stingy with your time and energy. If something does not resonate with you or what you believe in, DON’T DO IT. If you don’t like to go to clubs, politely decline when your friends ask. If you like to club, go live your best life. Preserve yourself for higher calls of action. Do not wastefully leave yourself available for things and activities that you don’t enjoy or find value in. This is a slow road to living a life that does not align with your destiny.

I could go on and on and on about this topic. This is something I’m really passionate about and I want to help people get over that hump before life ends. Some people never make it over that hump, you know? They go their whole lives wondering what life would be like if they booked that one way flight to another place. They go their whole life married to someone they don’t even like, because of fear. Fear of reality and fear of growth. I love that beautiful moment when someone bursts out of that mental and emotional cage to see true freedom. 

A major part of soul searching that no one discusses, is that it is SAD, it is so sad and depressing sometimes. It’s scary to feel like you’re starting from scratch. There to face your trauma, and your own messed up ways without the rescue of anyone. It’s intense and it makes you feel naked. There is so much love and acceptance from yourself and others once you pass your own personal tests. You are able to do things with love and less hate. You’re more willing to give than take because you have trust. You experience more joyful moments because you are open enough to do so. 

Have you ever soul searched ? What was your experience like ?

Let me know if you have anything specific you’d like to discuss about self growth and journeying.

CURATOR HIGHLIGHT : INTERVIEW WITH SASHA & TRACEE - PEOPLE OF COLOR DO CAMP !

Today we are highlighting two very special people. Tracee and Sasha are the LA based QUEER QUEEN couple who manifested and birthed  “POC Camp”. POC camp is a nature and camp driven movement for people of color. This is an organized camping experience created to dissolve the idea that hiking, camping and nature based activities aren’t for US.

I had the pleasure of meeting Sasha at the end of 2017. Sashas’ energy was majestic, and infectious. At the time, I knew her as the free spirited bud-fairy I followed on Instagram. As soon as we got to LA, I hit her up for some earthy souvenirs and met her at her shop. She was very informative and smiled when she talked. I recognized the light in her immediately, and her radiance stayed with me after we left. It’s no surprise at all that she (and her partner) have organized a safe space like this for people of color.

Within my community as a yoga instructor, I have been present when a person of color falls in love with yoga. I have also been present to hear that people of color think certain activities aren’t for them because there’s no representation. Sasha and Tracee are actively doing the work to change the narrative as their movement grows bigger and bigger. This is our last (but certainly not least) curator highlight of August. I hope you guys enjoy this interview, let’s do it !!

LadyFox - What was the exact moment "POC DO CAMP" was born ? - when you guys decided, this is what we're doing! Let’s set this up now.

“We'd say the exact moment POC Camp was born, was when we took to Instagram to ask people why they thought the stereotype that "black people don't camp" existed. In that same post, we asked other black and brown folks if they would be interested in joining us on a group camping trip if we organized it, and the answer was overwhelmingly YES. That was May of 2018. The post came after we had gone camping in Ojai, and got excited about seeing one other black person at our campground, since it's so unusual. That led to us having a conversation about why we see so few people of color camping, and why it seems to be - like most things - overwhelmingly white. When we realized that there were indeed other black and brown folks who were totally down to camp, and with us, we knew we had to go for it!”

LadyFox - Give me a little background on what this movement is all about ?

“This movement is about dispelling the myth that camping is a "white people thing". It's about reconnecting black and brown people to the land and allowing them the space to access the healing that is mother nature. It is to remind people of color that this Earth is ours and this is where we came from. It is to help people learn new skills, and grow others. It's about creating representation of black and brown people enjoying themselves and thriving in nature. POC Camp is about creating a safe and healing space where POC can breathe easier surrounded by nature and community.” 

LadyFox - What are some of the best memories you've experienced at your camps? 

“The best memories we've experienced at camp have been the times when people have really been brave, adventurous, and trusted us. The first POC Camp last October, we had people who had never flown OR camped before, that flew from Virginia, North Carolina, and Louisiana. When we were camping in Ojai, it rained practically the whole time - but we were all huddled up warm and cozy under a big tarp and we made it work. We took a rainy hike to a waterfall, and most recently we went practically off-roading on a single lane mountain road to get to a nature-made waterslide. These are memories we will never ever forget!” 

LadyFox - Are you guys pro campers or do you just wing it ?

“That's kinda hard to say.. there are so many different types of camping styles, but we wouldn't say we are "pro campers". We also definitely don't just wing it, though. We like to be prepared, we like to have what we need, and we like to be comfortable. We keep most of our camping gear in our car so we are ready to go at a moment's notice!”

LadyFox - What effects does creating something like this for the community have on you guys' relationship ? What is it like to do community work with your partner?

“It's definitely brought us closer. It's been amazing to be able to work with one another and witness each other's strengths. We balance each other out so well and it helps a lot in making our work relationship flow easily and without much effort. We both bring a lot of different - but similar - work experience to the table and I think the birth of POC Camp and other work we've been doing are beautiful examples of our skills being put to their best use. It's exciting and it's fun for us and it feels really good to focus on similar goals and see them come to fruition. It's also given our relationship more purpose. We've realized that our paths crossed for bigger reasons than just being together. We have work to do and we have gifts we want to offer up to the world. It's been a beautiful journey thus far and we are eager to see what the future holds for us.”

LadyFox - Why did you guys choose camping over any other activity ? 

“Camping has been something that we have done together as a couple the entirety of our relationship (nearly 6 years now)!  It has done so much for us individually, and as a couple. It's such a rejuvenating and healing activity, and we want to share that.” 

LadyFox- Are most of the people who attend strangers or people you've met before ? 

“The first one was mostly strangers, but the second and third was a pretty mixed group of folks we knew, and new people! As time goes on we are having people come back for a second or third time, and we are creating a family! It's been so beautiful to see folks connecting through POC Camp and forming relationships outside of the campgrounds. This is exactly what we could've hoped for.”

LadyFox - For those who can't attend, but want to help and give back, how can they do that ? 

Sharing about our mission (@poc_camp)

donating towards future trips:

Venmo - pocdocamp@gmail.com

Cashapp - $pocdocamp

LadyFox - Why do you think some people assume black people don't camp?

“We have first-hand experience with being the only black people camping and on hikes time and time again. We have both had experiences where we share with black peers that we are going camping, or we host a group camping trip - and many of them have said "Black people don't camp!" And we tell them.. yes, yes we do! When we initially brought up POC Camp on Instagram, we asked people why they thought black people didn't camp. One answer that stood out was the lack of safety for black folks in nature in the past. Fear passed down through generations. We also recently had a conversation with someone who works for the National Parks Service in which they mentioned the lack of representation of black and brown people in NPS media. You simply don't see black people camping. We're doing what we can to change this assumption, create representation, and bring black folks back to the land.” 

LadyFox - Last but not least, If you guys had one dream/major goal for "POC Camp", what would that look like?

“Our major goal is to get black and brown people outside and camping. Every time we have a trip and people show up, 18 people, 20 people, 25 people - we meet our goal. At this point, we feel like we've done it! We have seen people who have met at POC Camp get together afterwards and spend time with one another. And we're like.. "Damn. We did it. We got people outside and we've created community. We've created a community of people who love each other." And that's the dream. To keep doing what we're doing. Eventually, though, we would like to make this a nationwide movement and host camping trips outside of California! Perhaps we'd live in an RV with our cats and a dog and take this show on the road. 

are creating a family! It's been so beautiful to see folks connecting through POC Camp and forming relationships outside of the campgrounds. This is exactly what we could've hoped for.” 

I really enjoyed this series and I hope you guys did too ! Until next time.

DRESSING LIKE AN "ADULT"

Fashion has been a lot of fun for me this year. My goal has been to deliver a more clean- crisp look, always. I achieve this by keeping my nails done, and focusing on skincare/haircare as much as possible. When the basics are taken care of, its easier to form an outfit around it. Minimalism really made styling myself quite effortless and fun. I rarely spend more than 15 minutes deciding on something to wear. It was really important to me to dress a little more prestigious now that I am in my late 20s. I want to give off the impression of a woman who is sure of herself and has somewhere to BE. Afterall, your style is your first impression !

Ive learned that working out really helps me feel more confident in my clothes. Ive been hitting the gym three to five times a week and its made all the difference. I am still thrifting pretty heavy and falling in love with the pieces that find me. The other day my boyfriend and I drove 45 minutes to the next city because we’ve exhausted every thrift store in OKC (a shame). I would say my fashion influences are Lulama Wolf, Tracee Ellis Ross, Mary Kate Olsen. I really enjoy the way Jenny Mustard puts outfits together, I also love me some Karla Deras .. I could go on forever, really. I just like a simple sexy vibe. Something that says, she barely tried and still looks amazing.

This look really wasn’t for anything special, we grabbed some food and did a little thrifting. Ran some errands around the city. My hair was still a little damp from the previous nights wash, so I did a simple bun. Mejuri sent me these earrings, and I’m adding them to my earring rotation ! I was excited about shooting this vintage top and I am even more excited for the fall so I can start wearing boots ! These boots are actually from Zara, as well as this denim skirt (old purchases). I’m still trying to stay away from fast fashion as much as possible.

What words would you use to describe your style ?

CURATOR HIGHLIGHT - INTERVIEW WITH LEEZA JONEE ARTIST, WRITER & CREATOR OF THE BREATHING SPACE

Here we are on our third curator highlight, which I’m so delighted to share. *clap clap*  Today, we are speaking to the gorgeous Leeza Jonee also known as Lee, a product of Goldsboro, North Carolina. Leeza is an illustrator, writer and curator of the community project/movement known as “The Breathing Space”. The Breathing Space is so special because it is a home for healing and community. I selected Leeza for today’s highlight because she is one of the strongest and powerful black women that I follow. Aside from purchasing prints from Leeza, I fell in love with her mission, and style of celebrating black women and culture. Leeza is the prototype for the kind of leaders and creatives we need to change the narrative and maintain positive shifts for our people. Leeza has these amazing illustrations of feminine body figures called “ thick jawn”, that are both honest and seductive. She just recently shared her 3rd installment called “midnight dedications to the body” which are amazing as well. I couldn't help but share such a multifaceted and talented black woman. HERE WE GO !

LadyFox - If you could describe Leeza Jonee` in three words, what would they be?

• tender

• curious

• renaissancing - lol made up but it comes to mind too easily when I think of all that I do

LadyFox - What is your message/intentions with the breathing space?

Leeza -The notion that there is “healing in community”. Even for the folks who feel there isn’t something to directly be healed from. My goal is to emphasize how necessary community and allyship is for growth and self care.

LadyFox - What is your experience as a black woman in the present day?

Leeza - Where do I start? — I am constantly learning and unlearning ways in which to navigate society as a black woman. Not that there is a right or wrong way to to exist as a black woman but to fully embrace my blackness and my womanhood in all that I do. From breathing to creating to loving. I believe we as black women are often challenged, more so than other races and genders. There has yet to be a movement for just US, that is groundbreaking or makes headlines. Both the Civil Rights movement and the Black Power movement, although immensely radical and revolutionary, majorly existed, uplifted and supported the black man with the majority of that uplifting and support lying heavily on the backs of black women. I still feel, today (Black Lives Matter movement), that we as black women are the backbone of much of the rallying and outcries of our society. My intention, especially as a creative, is to be that protest for us, in all ways. 

 LadyFox - Were your body prints a one time creative project or will you continue with visual art?

Leeza - I’ll definitely continue! lol I’ve been drawing my whole life. The body line drawings took me out of my comfort zone of realism and furthered my desire to continue celebrating our bodies. I’ve always drawn the female form; when I was younger, I wanted to become a fashion designer. My current line drawings are digital and I plan to explore acrylic and oil painting as an alternative medium for this style.

LadyFox - What can someone expect when they come to "The Breathing Space"?

      Leeza -  Being that the topics are so varied, the experience is always changing yet the energy remains the same. You can always expect to meet a curious and eager crowd. That is my favorite part. The setup of The Breathing Space is less of a panel and more of living room vibe so you get a real and chill atmosphere. We speak and express candidly our lived experiences and opinions. I’ve learned so much and have been put on to new and similar life stories. 

LadyFox -What is one piece of advice you would give to someone who wants to be an artist?

    Leeza - Perseverance and consistency. A constant reminder for myself. You truly recognize the fruits of your labor the harder you work and more focused you remain. Also, be open to feedback. I’ve learned this more as a writer. Publishers told me that once I complete my collection of work, share it with those closest to me and those that appreciate the art. It helps to understand who your audience is.  

LadyFox - What does it feel like to give back to people of color and support community through your work?

Leeza - It’s so surreal and triumphant. This may sound odd but it wasn’t my main intention. I’ve done the work for the sake of doing the work; whether creating, writing or holding space, I’ve always felt that it was something that needed to be done. Over time, aside from my desire to just “do”, I’ve been more motivated to continue The Breathing Space and my creative endeavors from the response of my community. That’s where the victory lies. 

LadyFox - What is your definition of love?

Leeza - A space that is unconditional and sacrificial. I have this affirmation,

“woman of many talents. lover, my greatest one.” 

I don’t necessarily mean “romantic” lover. When you walk in “love” you exist without conditions and in all that you do, you make the paramount decisions to follow through with the ultimate goal.

LadyFox - Describe how a "perfect" day would go for Leeza.

Leeza - Near water. Good music. Reading, writing, working through my to-do list and making deadlines with no distractions. Oh and coffee. I’ve recently turned off all notifications on my phone to make this more of a reality; I’m less inclined to pick up my phone if it’s not buzzing every minute lol.

LadyFox - At what moment did you realize that you needed to birth "The Breathing Space"  for the community?

Leeza - I don’t think there was an “ah ha” moment for me. As an only child, I’ve always craved kinship, so creating and hosting a space for others came naturally. In the beginning, I was asked to host a “cocktails and conversation” event with no intention of it becoming what The Breathing Space is today. (There was supposed to be a different name and setup). That idea and offer came to me and I ran with it. As mentioned above, the community made me realize that what I’ve desired my whole life was necessary for all.

I WROTE ABOUT FENG SHUI ON "ALLTHEPRETTYBIRDS"

Click here to see my article I wrote on Feng Shui that is now up on “All The Pretty Birds”. I was very excited for this article to be published and I love me some Tamu McPherson, so this was a fangirl moment ! If you’re into all things home decor and vibes, check it out !

Photo by Latonya Yvette

CURATOR HIGHLIGHT - INTERVIEW W/ CHRISTIANA OF BUM-CAKE VINTAGE

Today we’ll take an inside look at the thoughts of Christiana Greene, curator and owner of Bum-Cake Vintage. I discovered Christiana on Instagram a couple years ago, and have followed her journey into the vintage world. I myself am a big lover of vintage lingerie. I love silky sets and slips. I think it is empowering for a woman to dress sexy and be adorned around her home, even on occasions that aren't necessarily “special”. With my transition to womanhood, I realized I felt more celebrated, and fulfilled in queenly loungewear. My favorite kind of lingerie is the old gold label Victoria’s Secret, from back in the day when the brand was more exclusive and intentional. 

Bum-Cake Vintage sells the exact kind of lingerie a woman needs while tending to her household, her children, her cooking, her plants, her anything. Christiana also sells some homegoods ! I can’t wait to get my hands on one of her sea-shell candles. This brand is so feminine forward and I love it. Another thing I admire about Christiana is her online presence, she remains unique and untainted by mainstream retail concepts. Bum-Cake Vintage is charming, and feels really natural to support. It is so important for the brown woman to feel sexy and empowered, that is why Bum-Cake Vintage is the highlight this week. Let’s get into her interview !

LadyFox -When did you fall in love with vintage lingerie ?

Christiana -I first fell in love with vintage years ago when I used to sell regular vintage for women and men. I've always been attracted to really frilly, girly things... you know, like ruffles, silk, and satin. I'm a girly girl for sure. 

LadyFox - What are your thoughts on womanhood and femininity ?

Christiana -Womanhood and femininity are sources of life. I believe in the whole concept of "divine femininity." The importance of womanhood is often underrated, but I think that's changing--I see women coming together now more than ever before and it's a beautiful thing to observe and be a part of because we are creators of community, love, creation, sensuality... everything. When women come together, amazing things happen. This has been shown throughout history over and over again. 

LadyFox - Where are you based ?

Christiana -I currently live in Ridgewood, NY, which is on the border of Queens and Brooklyn--it's very close to Bushwick and Bedstuy.

 LadyFox- I can see you’ve been traveling ! What are some of your favorite places you've visited ?

Christiana -I really enjoyed London and would love to live there for a year, nothing permanent, but it would be cool. I also really enjoyed visiting Milan and Paris. While in Paris, I spent a great deal of time shopping for beauty products... actually, correction: MOST of my time in Paris was spent shopping for beauty products. I loved it.

LadyFox -What other areas of arts are you interested in besides fashion ?

Christiana - I'm really interested in dabbling into home goods. I currently make and sell candles that are biodegradable and reusable, but I want to get into making incense and pottery a bit. We'll see where my heart takes me, haha. 

LadyFox -Describe a perfect day in your world ?

Christiana - Waking up around 6am when the neighborhood is still quiet, making myself tea while getting myself ready for the day. Reading a few poems or chapters from a book before heading to a pilates or meditation class. Lunch in a park with my partner before heading to an art show or gallery. Dinner and drinks at a fave restaurant or local spot. Then heading home to relax and reflect on my day before watching a movie or show while eating ice cream or creme brulee. I love eating ice cream/creme brulee in bed while watching a movie/show or listening to music. I really appreciate the simple things these days. Nothing fancy, just peaceful simplicity. 

LadyFox -What message do you want to give others about sustainable living ? 

Christiana -I keep reading articles about scientists saying that we only have somewhere between 10-15 years before global warming is irreversible. That being said, we all need to be more mindful about conserving energy, resources, and even making better choices when it comes to what brands we support and what products we use. Try to use products that are reusable and be sure to recycle. When it comes to clothing, support indie brands and try to not support fast fashion retailers. Also, wear more vintage when you can. We can all be more mindful with these things. The information is out there, just google it. 

LadyFox - What is your current experience like being a woman of color in the present day ?

Christiana -I feel like it's an exciting time. I feel like the opportunities available to us are finally becoming endless... like the world certainly has a way to go as far as seeing our worth, but we are building our own businesses and there are so many of us who are entrepreneurs across all industries these days that we're doing well on our own. Us women of color are supporting each other and building our own communities, so we're really flourishing. It's pretty amazing. 

LadyFox -What things do you find romantic ?

Christiana -I find romance in so many things, it's kind of silly lol. For starters, long, intimate, deep discussions about life and other random things that leave me feeling pensive are romantic. 

LadyFox -What is your zodiac sign ?

Christiana - I'm a Capricorn. All day. 

LadyFox - How do you like your coffee?

Christiana -I rarely drink coffee, but when I do, I like an espresso. Also, when I was in Milan, I really enjoyed the caffe ginseng, which is just an espresso with ginseng extract. So good! Normally, I'm an avid tea drinker though. I love tea--I drink it morning, noon, and night. I love rose earl grey or this reishi matcha mix in the morning and then chai with oat or almond milk midday and a non-caffeinated herbal tea at night. 

LadyFox -What is your BEST vintage find so far ? 

Christiana -Well, it's not really a find, but more of a gift from my late great grandmother... I have this beautiful Delill lucite beaded purse that was handmade in Italy from her. It's gorgeous and I'll cherish it forever. 

LadyFox -How did you come up with the name BUM-CAKE VINTAGE, (which is so cute by the way) ?

Christiana - Thank you, it was a term of endearment for an ex-lover and then, it became the name of this blog my college friends and I tried to start years ago. Now, it's the name of my brand. It's weird, but I like it. 

I really hope you guys enjoyed this interview. I am really proud of what Christiana does for the community. Look below on how to find/support her business.

Personal Instagram : @bum_cake

Bumcake Vintage Instagram : @bumcakev

Website : www.bum-cake.com                     

NAIL APPOINTMENT TURNED THERAPY

My nail techs name was Krystal and she had a calming energy. As soon as she began on my nails, she seemed really sure of herself. Usually at nail shops you can tell a lot about the owner by the way the nail techs interact with you. Ive been to nail shops in the past where nail techs aren’t appreciated, don’t get enough breaks, and do mani-pedis from the moment they arrive to the moment they leave. One reason I love my nail shop, is because the mood is always pretty upbeat and the techs seem genuinely happy to be at work. One thing I struggle with finding, is a nail tech who isn’t afraid to take risks and try different designs and give their own opinion and flare.

I was pleasantly surprised with Krystal who got my shape perfect and was giving me input on which colors I should use for contrast purposes. At first, I felt like she was rushing, but she told me she’s done nails for 11 years and prefers to move quickly. I love a nail tech who allows me to relax and trust them with my vision. Anyway, we began to have a conversation about children. She asked me where my baby was and told me she remembered me from the last time I was there. (I see a different nail tech each time, they’re all really good at this nail shop.) I asked her if she had any children and was surprised to hear that she didn’t. Almost every nail tech Ive ever had has multiple children, unless they’re really young. They always ask first if you have children and mention family or a husband as a conversation starter. Little did I know Krystal was about to teach me a few things about her experience in Vietnamese culture.

Over the course of 45 minutes, she explained to me that she moved away from Vietnam with her husband many years ago. She said she didn’t have any interest in having children, because she never got pregnant. She began the conversation with saying that children were too expensive, and that childbirth takes a toll on the body. She also had reservations about how long you have to be responsible for your children. I could tell there was so much more to this, but I just let her speak. We made eye contact often as she vented to me about her perspective on parenthood. After she gave me a list of reasons she “didn’t want” kids she then expressed to me that they had been trying for a long time but a baby never came. She told me she was 38, and that she felt her time had run out. She said that in Vietnam where she’s from, a woman who has no kids is deemed useless and a disgrace. It was wild to me that we were having such an intense conversation with a major language barrier between us. I understood everything she said even though her English was broken.

I asked her how the Vietnamese families feel about women who simply cannot have children, and she responded “they think- bad human.” She suggested that they feel you’re cursed and have nothing to give as a person. I could see the hurt in her eyes as she continued on with my nails. She told me her husband had no desire for kids or even a pet, but I think this is his way of comforting her. This conversation really put things into perspective for me. It made me realize how much women outside of the United States deal with in their own cultures. It made me think of how much work they would have to do to get as much “freedom” as we have here. Freedom is a really hard word to use because thats not what we have, maybe privilege is a little more fitting - I don’t know. Mentally, I was in shambles when I left the nail shop. There are so many layers to femininity and womanhood.

I felt grateful, to be a mother and experience such a blessing. I felt sad, that she may not get the chance and has convinced herself she does not want children in order to deal with the disappointment. Sad that Vietnamese women are under such scrutiny if they don’t want kids. I reassured her that, there are hard parts of parenting. There are some days you wonder what life would be like if you didn’t have a child. I reminded her of all the things her and her husband don’t really have to bother with as a couple with no children. I reassured her that its okay and normal to not want/ or be able to have children. She thanked me for our conversation and that was that. A therapy and self care session for us both.

CURATOR HIGHLIGHT - INTERVIEW WITH ARTIST DAE LEE (@DAEIZM)

Today I am sharing an interview with writer/artist Dae Lee, also known as DAEIZM. I chose to highlight Dae because he is one of the most authentic young writers I’ve come across over the years. His vulnerability, honesty and transparency is refreshing and admirable. I started following him a few years ago via social media when I lived in Los Angeles and I’ve been connected to his work ever since. Writing is such a personal form of art, it’s letting others into your heart and mind. To me, his words have so much depth and relatability. It is important for writers of color to have courage when creating art, and Dae is the perfect example of that. I thought it would be nice to get to know Dae more as a human instead of just an artist. Let’s jump right into the interview.  

 LadyFox - I’ve known you as an amazing writer for many years, and recently discovered your podcast Entropy & Dae (which I love), do you have any other artistic outlets we should know about?

Dae - Thank you so much! I really appreciate your work! I also make digital illustrations, as well as edit and design on the side. My book cover along with 2 others were designed by me.

LadyFox - What are some of the feelings that are attached to releasing something as big as a book ? - sharing something so sacred with the world ?

  Dae - A lot of it was in the name of both purpose and vulnerability. For me, that was something on my mind for quite a bit, becoming an author. It took years  and a lot of changes in my life for it to come to fruition, but the writing took - I would say maybe a year and a half. A lot of it, just like pretty much all of my work comes from a need to release and find a cathartic solution. It’s scary — but at the same time, I work on not thinking about how others receive it and how it stacks against other people’s works. You really just have to do it for yourself cause the rest of it is just a bonus.

LadyFox -Do you remember the moment or chapter of your life when you realized that writing was something you needed to do ?

 Dae- Writing has always been In my life, from storytelling, journaling to poetry and prose. I always look to understand my feelings and thoughts better through writing ,so it was really natural for me to a point that I didn’t always gravitate to the idea of pursuing it professionally until I was 21. I wanted to write something, but was busy working and felt I wouldn't have the time to actualize it until later in life. But once I got injured on the job, it changed the direction of my life in a way that sort of forced the time onto me; and here we are.

LadyFox -What are three songs you listen to on a consistent basis ?

Dae -That’s a tough one, i’m always listening to music because I enjoy making playlists— I’d go with “It’s Whatever” by Jean Deaux, “N Side” by Steve Lacy, and “RIP Fredo” by Playboi Carti ft Young Nudy. I also play The Internet every day and Frank, Smino, Iman Omari, Burna Boy, Ari Lennox, Knxwledge., Chynna, Earl Sweatshirt and BbyMutha. along with so many others, I couldn’t stick to three, haha.

LadyFox- This is a question I ask a lot but, - What does a perfect day look like for you ? 

 Dae- A perfect day for me is new music, great herb, creative & physical energy to make something new.

LadyFox -What is your definition of love ?

Dae -Intentional action meeting care, trust, sincerity and autonomy.

LadyFox -What is your favorite thing about being a Pisces ? (I'm a Pisces too- shoutout to us)

Dae- Shoutout to Pisces! And I think our capacity to care is one of my favorite things about us. A lot of people don’t know that we’re pretty enigmatic when it comes to our personality types. We can be just as cold as we are warm, just as selfish as we are giving, so I guess both our capacity to care and ability to adapt and transform.

LadyFox -What does community mean to you ? Do you realize that you are influencing the community with your art ? (This is a two for one)

 Dae -Community for me means both creating and holding space for others to water and cultivate each other.  and thank you for thinking so! Haha —I feel like one of my purposes here is to show people that they can make space(s) to explore their vulnerability, emotionally and creatively— and still feel like themselves, because all of this is a part of us. I think it’s important that we find ways to articulate our feelings even if it’s just for ourselves.

LadyFox- What are some of your go-to self care rituals ?

Dae- My go to is always to focus on my breath and make sure that I’m breathing through my diaphragm correctly. If I’m able to, I just like to be to myself and put the music on shuffle, whether it’s a playlist I just made and I’m still working on or I’m searching for something new and diving into their world.  if it’s during the night time I usually like to sit outside and just look into the sky whether it’s the moon or just planes passing by, (there’s always planes passing by in Inglewood). I like the way the air feels at night, it’s very calming and if I have the chance, I go to a beach for it to feel even better. After that I like to indulge in finding different music to listen to or finding different anime to watch.

LadyFox -What is your experience as a black creative in the present day ?

Dae- As a black creative I’d say there’s a need for me to be both aware and autonomous. So many of us are here and serve different purposes and I think it’s best to find our calling in our contributions. They’re not always monolithic, but they all can matter. My desire is to always work closely with other black creatives but also knowing that there are nuances within each community is even more important to know what speaks to you.

LadyFox- I love reading your words that speak of love. What are three things you look for in a partner?

Dae -With any partner I’m always looking for an honest and deep connection that respects and celebrates each other. I’m grateful to have that, and also have the love to express it and also share and experience that with others.

LadyFox -Where are you from/based ?

Dae- I’m from the LA area, primarily in Inglewood. My family is from this area (Inglewood) so I moved  back here about six years ago and it’s been Home since.

LadyFox -What is something that can make you smile, without a doubt ?

Dae -a baby laughing and trying to walk but falling down. Guaranteed to make me laugh every single time. Or a cat video, and if they’re fighting a person its over, haha.

LadyFox- What is your favorite snack ?

Dae- My favorite snack is Snickers. Only the 2-in-1, haha.

or Pineapple.

LadyFox- Last but not least, what is the best way to support you ? Buying your work? Listening to your podcast ? Reposting your words ? Let us know.

Dae - All of the above ! Find me on Instagram: @Daeizm

My Podcast, “Entropy & Dae”, where I talk about emotions if you’re into that is available on Apple Podcast & Spotify, or the Anchor app!

For my poetry book, MARIGOLD, as well as poetry prints for sale—you can find it on: daeizm.bigcartel.com

I hope you guys enjoyed this interview and feel a little closer to Dae. Thank you again for sharing and being so open. I can’t wait to see the things you have in store for the future. Stay tuned for the next curator highlight !

AUGUST - HIGHLIGHTING BLACK CURATORS AND COMMUNITY WORKERS

HAPPY AUGUST ! I am so excited for a new month, I love fresh starts. August is really special because I’ll be doing highlights of my favorite curators and community workers of color. There are so many people “doing the work” for the black community who don’t get enough acknowledgement. This is something that I’d like to change. Every week this month, Ill be highlighting a new artist/writer/business owner/creative with an exclusive interview right here on LADYFOX. Interviewing is a form of writing that I love because, you can really get to know someone that way. Theres something so fresh and natural about an interview, allowing someone to have a voice about their passions. The people I chose are all special and it was really hard to only choose four. I chose the most consistent, organic and humble people who just do the work without expecting anything in return.