I TOOK A NAP IN NEW ORLEANS

At last, I’ve reached a point in life that I feel like I can settle into. A space that I am comfortable to dance and exist fully in. I’ve caught my balance and I feel at ease. I feel at ease with my decisions and my day to day life. I feel at ease with my soul, my career, my parenting, my finances, my physical appearance. I feel at ease in my creativity and in my relationships. All of the inner work and tears and longing for contentment in everyday life is actualizing itself. I’ve discovered the path to true happiness. Even in moments of frustration or doubt I am still able to tap into gratefulness.

Simple things make me happy like being at home - in a space I carefully curated over time. I’ve been in this apartment for almost two years. I think it takes about that much time to gather all of what you need to make a home a home. You slowly collect things a long the way that contribute to the warmth of the place. There’s always been this incomplete feeling - I always thought I was missing art on the walls. I recently moved an antique dresser out of storage and into my apartment given to me by my grandmother. It seems the dresser really adds depth and fullness to the place. My apartment is quite modern - but the dresser brings an honesty and sturdiness to the space. It’s also become the perfect place for blankets and towels - as both my son and I’s bathroom have limited storage. I’ve gotten the lighting just right in each room and I feel more comfortable than ever before. I think when I first moved there - I stayed minimal out of fear of settling here too long. I’ve accepted that this space is more than just a pit stop for us.

Another thing that has become quite enjoyable is parenting. I’ve always loved my son - but never saw motherhood as “fun” on a regular basis. I look forward to picking him up from school and checking his folder to see what type of day he had. Now, he is old enough to joke with me and have preferences about what we eat for dinner. I am falling in love with my son and the rewards of our relationship. He is there to cover my feet when the cover doesn’t reach. He now says “bless you” when I sneeze. He shares his oranges with me - and lets me know how he feels about my outfits. Teaching him to write and sharpening his tools has become a challenge that is rewarding. He is hands down the best part of every thing in his awareness and maturation.

Mentally and emotionally, I have learned how much energy my career deserves. I know how to decide what needs my attention and what does not. I’ve learned how to not sweat the small things. I have good time management. Things I’ve been working on is being more spontaneous and taking more risks. I’ve become a lot more accepting of things I can’t control. I’ve been able to start creating again in new ways. I know how to still perform - even in fear of the result or failure.

I feel that my ability to love others is widespread in this season. I’ve been loving honestly, and in ways that feel real and natural. I think this is because I’ve been firm in the ways that I wish to be loved and appreciated. I want a life of genuine bonds and friendships. I feel so grateful for the beautiful connections that I have in my life at the moment. I feel supported, I feel adored, I feel uplifted. There is a newness and a rebirth after a long time of healing and emotion surfing this year. As 2022 comes to an end I think this is one of the best years I’ve had in a long time - one with the most growth.

Recently, I took a quick trip to New Orleans which was beautiful in every way. Travel is so essential to my spirituality and creativity. The first day there was rainy and I was mostly outside under an umbrella. I felt cleansed and refreshed opposed to gloomy and introspective. The second day was so warm like a summer Texas day. I took a nap, and explored. I was tired from play in New Orleans. It is interesting being exhausted from delight as opposed to responsibility. I also put this vintage dress on to capture the overall essence of the trip. I love the way vintage clothing fits my body. Measurements of the past are so much more realistic and intentional than clothes of these days. In this dress I felt womanly, and feminine.

I appreciate this space where I can come and ramble - whether anyone sees it or not. It is a treat to write just because.

Love always,

C.