HUGGING 2023 GOODBYE & WELCOMING 2024

2023 was such a quiet year for me. I didn’t have much to say – but I did feel a lot. I was at a point where movement took more of a precedence than anything else. Action felt necessary. Going inward and pairing that with initiative was the catalyst to most of my personal evolution.

 Whatever the *thing* was – I just did it. I had high expectations for my year and what feelings I wanted to evoke within my life. I wanted 2023 to feel gracious and compelling. This was the year that I was even more “selfish” than the last. Finally, I’d arrived at the actuality that choosing and prioritizing yourself is the key to the ultimate ascension. I know that it is cliché and obnoxiously recycled but it’s true. When you tune out everything but your own desires – your life is given the permission to shape itself to a truth that is custom for you.

 A big pill I had to swallow was being okay with less communication with others. I had to be okay with very low activity on social media and completely withdrawing from what did not make sense. If you agree to things out of alignment with your masterplan – then you also will be out of alignment. I took a lot of days off work in 2023, more than ever. I did little creative work – focusing more on input than output.

 January was the start of grad school. I remember applying and being afraid that I may not be able to start or that something would go wrong with processing. I wanted to start school so badly and it had been a long time since I cared about something so much. I could not stay calm until I knew I was accepted. I felt grateful once classes started and (honestly) receiving education as an adult is completely different than undergrad. I visited home a lot and began to accept that it would be a year of travel due to me not feeling rooted in Dallas.

 February was one of the best months in 2023. I started the month in New York, and it was everything I needed. It was extremely cold on this visit, but it heightened dramatics in the most beautiful way. The Brooklyn Museum was packed with gorgeous black folks singing, dancing, and enjoying art. I was in the best company and felt so alive the entire trip. February is also the month my mother gifted me with my first designer bag as an early birthday present. It felt like a rite of passage – a big moment in girlhood. It was much deeper than designer or me carrying around a purse that is double my rent. It’s about acknowledging that I deserve something lavish and what some may call unnecessary. It was about being sparked with the idea of making more money so that I can have more lavish things. It felt like an upgrade – which slowly forced me to upgrade my entire wardrobe. I can truly say that style wise – I completely leveled up in 2023. I upgraded my self-care practices. I was trying new hairstyles that I would never attempt in the past. I upgraded my perspective and decisions. February felt like a month-long birthday. This was one of the most special birthdays I’d had in a long time – being home with family was the best decision.

 March was all about my son. At the beginning of the month, we went to Monster Jam which was a huge thing for him. Boys are so fun, and I enjoy spending time doing things that he finds exciting. March is also the month of spring break, so we went from zoo dates to aquarium dates to farm visits and the soul circus. This was a very active and expensive part of the year that felt full of joy and family. I ended the month modeling in a shoot, and it had been a long time since I was behind a lens. Although I was nervous – I used this shoot to get comfortable with myself again. This shoot forced me to see myself and all my features. This shoot addressed insecurities and taught me the lesson of self-acceptance. Each time I received a new edit from the photographer was a new time I had to address how I really felt about my appearance.

 April was the beginning of another large leap forward as the fourth month of the year. I thought that I had already seen so much – but the year was just getting started. April began with Oklahoma Cowboys interviews in OKC. I love visiting Oklahoma City because it reminds me of a very comfortable, charmed, intimate chapter of my life. This is where I became a mother and grew so much as a woman. Going back to Oklahoma, taking my son with me and being able to write and creatively work was very rewarding. I felt very supported as a working mother by everyone around me and that was sweet.

 I took off to upstate NY at the top of April for the first time and I was not the same when I returned. My love for art spiked heavily in 2023 because I saw and was surrounded by beautiful work and artists. Visiting Dia Beacon was me living out my Pinterest dreams and just truly wowing myself and my life. Traveling for important reasons is cool, but traveling for no reason is top tier. Again – this all goes back to the purse and me relishing in what seems unnecessary yet so IS.

 By April I truly believed I could do what I wanted to do with my life. In April we got a dog - which was exactly what Phoenix and I needed. Our dog Kofi balances us out so well! As if April wasn’t hectic enough, at the end of the month I took a girl’s trip to Los Angeles. This trip reintroduced me to sisterhood and all the sweet feelings that come with being around girls. I think my friend Ashleigh and I had more fun than we anticipated – I felt very young! I saw more art and dwelled in the amazing weather. April 2023 has a special place in my heart.

 At the end of April, I got into a bad car wreck. I was traumatized because it was the worst wreck I had ever been in and the other party fled the scene on foot. I was on my way to pick up my son from school. I was left there with no information from the hit and runner, and it was a huge rain cloud over four months of literal bliss. I FOR SURE suffered PTSD from that wreck. For months after that I had developed a fear of driving and the inability to trust strangers on the road. I will say that I had a support system who quickly picked me up before I hit the ground – but it was a CLOSE CALL. There was no time to be sad because before the month was up my little brother would be proposing to his fiancé. I was blessed to have such treasured moments be followed by what felt like tragedy.

 By May I was waving goodbye to the set of seniors I taught when they were in ninth grade. To watch a group of children, transform from age 14 to 18 is magical. Being a high school teacher addresses a lot of high school trauma of my own. I am happy for the opportunity to go back and heal those parts of myself. That age bracket is SO important and fragile. I love being a high school teacher because I feel like I can make things easier for my kids and I know I did that. It was so hard to say goodbye to those seniors and accept that I may never see them again. May was also the month my son graduated Kindergarten which was a huge milestone. May gave me the opportunity to see fruit of long planted seeds and it was also the beginning of the summer I needed so badly to regroup.

 June and July were grounding months. I went to hot yoga so much. I swam a lot at my mother’s house. I was soaking up the Texas sun and eating a lot of fruit. Health was the priority for me. I had a lot of time to myself, but I also spent a lot of time with family as it seems everyone has summer birthdays. My son turned six and we celebrated him in Galveston. I was happy about the way his party turned out and I felt that I had “redeemed” myself from his very chill fifth birthday. I visited Miami in July. It was an eye-opening trip for me. I remember being happy with how my body looked and felt because of all the work I had put in. I believe I was still fragile from the wreck and releasing a pessimistic attitude about life and how scary it can be. I was still trucking along in grad school – which is what kept me focused much of the year. At the end of July, I took a much-needed trip home, and this is where the idea of me moving back really began to creep into my plans more than ever before.

 August always feels like a new year to me because it marks the beginning of a new school year. One thing about me is – I love a fresh start. I was excited to teach. I was excited to start new grad classes. I was excited to put more effort into my classroom and August was rich with opportunities. Before school began, I had a sweet lake day with my family on a pontoon and I can’t wait to relive that this coming summer. August put me back in a routine and by September I was back in my bag!!

 September I shopped a lot for fall and winter wardrobe pieces. September was the month of the Beyonce concert which was iconic and a huge 2023 highlight. I went to the concert with my mom. Not only did we go to the concert, but we made a girls’ weekend of it. We went out together and met up with friends – we ate delicious dinners and stayed in the most beautiful hotel. My relationship with my mom is one that I cherish deeply. I can do anything with my mom and she’s one of my favorite humans. She is an inspiration and we have so much in common. Even if my mom wasn’t “my mom” I would still be her friend and spend a lot of time with her.

 October was cheerful! We love spooky season over here! My mom hosted a party for the children in my family at her house called the “Fall – fall through”. Little events like these bring me joy because my son gets so excited to be around his cousins. My mom was super festive when I was a child, so to see her recycle the joy with my son is beautiful.

I took my first out of country trip to Costa Rica at the end of October and it’s one of the most gorgeous places I’d ever been. My college best friend and I booked this trip spontaneously and it couldn’t have been a better decision. This trip allowed me to explore and look at life from a different angle. The lands of Costa Rica felt spiritual and healing. Eating fresh foods and having access to waterfalls and animals brought me back to source. The on and off rain lack of control reset my perspective and made me respect the earth more. I can’t wait to return.

 November I took off to Denver, Colorado for my sister in laws bridal shower. Being in Colorado with them was exposure to so much feminine energy. I’ve never been someone who had a big group of friends that all hang together and had a lot in common. Being around my sister-in-law and her friends really made me analyze my own relationship with women and the ways that has evolved for me throughout my life. This was my first (or second) time meeting many of them and they were sweet. Although I was an outsider looking in – it was beautiful to witness women being so loving and supportive toward each other. We had a lot of fun and I got to know her on a more intimate level. Colorado was so cold but refreshing at the same time.

 November continued to have a hustle bustle theme as we inched closer to the wedding. As a bridesmaid – my life was dedicated to this wedding and all the events floating around it. To see my brother happy and beginning a new chapter in his life was surreal.

 Thanksgiving was chill and peaceful. I did cook a full meal, but we did not have a turkey. I made all of Phoenix and I’s favorites. We stayed home and relaxed. We spent the evening putting up the Christmas tree which I think is a new tradition for us.

 December 1st, I witnessed my brother marry the love of his life. The wedding was beautiful. Phoenix was the ring bearer and watching him walk down the aisle at my brother’s wedding was insane. Phoenix reminds me so much of my brother in many ways. To see our families merge brought me excitement which was the theme for most of the year.

 All I really wanted to do was focus on rest and Christmas after the wedding. At a hair appointment, I realized how much my hair had grown in 2023. One of my goals for the year was to grow my hair at least two inches. I put a lot of effort into décor and building excitement around the holidays for my son. One of his requests was to have his bedroom walls painted red. My mom came down and helped me with a full room revamp for him. We had an amazing Christmas. After Christmas I spent a week in Houston to be with family and that was the perfect ending to my year.

 2024 has a slow start and I’m okay with that. I am pretty occupied with school, parenting, writing work and teaching. My basic responsibilities are keeping me so busy.

 Some goals I have set for myself in 2024 are:  

·      Being a more fun mom: When Phoenix looks back on what type of parent I was in his younger years, I’d like for him to remember all the fun we had together.

·      Prioritizing educational practices: In my household, I’d like to incorporate more opportunities for leisure learning. In a dream world, I’d be homeschooling my son and teaching him all the things I feel like he should know. The truth is that I still can teach him what I want him to know outside of school, so I’ll be giving that a shot!

·      I added “write more” to my list: (at the end of last year) and I can’t imagine writing more than I am right now. My writing career has never been this busy in my life. A new and unexpected spark began to ignite toward the end of last year and I’m grateful for it because motivation is not guaranteed as a writer. Writing spells are inconsistent. I hope to birth meaningful projects this year. Yes plural. Multiple. I know I can do it!

·      Running a 5k is on my list: It’s been on my list every year for the past three years. I hope I get to it this year. My brother mentioned wanting to complete a 5k – which would be cute to do together!

·      At home workouts is a big one for me. Going to the gym isn’t realistic for my lifestyle and my schedule. I need to be able to work out at home. I follow a couple of inspiring at home workout girlies and I am taking notes. I just want to stay toned. I will continue my yoga practice, but incorporating weights would be beneficial. I’m hopeful about this one and I’ll be proud of myself if I can achieve it.

·      I’m working toward paying my car off. It’s doable. This is my one financial goal. It is something specific that I can focus on and achieve with an actionable plan.

·      Use my healthcare more. This is plain and simple.

·      One of my more reflective and intentional dedications for 2024 is to “do things big and not small”. In my notes it says “stop dipping your toe into things and do them with every fiber of your being”. People in my life would probably describe me as someone who does things in a very “big” way. But – I know that I can settle with my visions instead of really pulling the trigger in a way that feels satisfying for me. So when it comes to travel, projects, purchases, memories.. I want to go big. I don’t want to hold back on my dreams or desires in 2024.