CONVERSATIONAL CHEMISTRY

Conversing with people who articulate themselves well is one of my favorite pastimes. Throughout my life, I’ve leaned closer into discussion with humans who are wiser and often older than I am. When I’m speaking to someone who is enlightened, I walk away with something invaluable. I find it miraculous how you can leave discourse more open-minded, with an outlook you didn’t possess before. We’re all visual creatures, but what engulfs me about someone is the rhythm of our dialect and how gracefully we are able to move from one concept to the next - it's like a verbal dance. When I speak to someone who is inarticulate or has poor conversation etiquette, I recoil. These interactions initiate reflection over what ingredients make up conversational chemistry. 

I find that eye contact presses power into someone’s statements. Eyes are a portal into someone's truth and supports their spiritual credibility. There’s an availability in eye contact that offers reciprocity. Having a conversation with someone who avoids mutual gaze may lack self assurance, making their message weak, invalid and unimaginative. 

The ability to pause and listen is a skill that took practice for me to execute. What brought my attention to this idea was listening to podcasts that have more than one host, and studying the way space is created between more than one person. I deeply enjoyed listening to a well structured podcast, where there is respect for someone’s moment of expression. A big part of being a good listener is processing what an individual is trying to convey. How can you provide a meaningful response if you did not first *grasp* their proposition? A healthy pause that allows your brain to soak up the material before responding allows your thought to come out gracefully. Another unmatched skill is being concise with your word and not overriding to the point where your gem isn't received. Say what you have to say without babbling. This is important to me because dominating the conversation shows, you only want to be heard, without listening. What's crazy is, many people don't even realize that they habitually impede others in conversation. You have to be willing to listen, with the possibility to learn. 

I think it is important to only be passionate about subject matter that you have personal experience or expertise on. There is awareness in knowing when to silence yourself when there is not enough prior knowledge to properly analyze something. It’s okay to say “I don't know very much about this or that” when someone asks your perspective.” Opting out of going down a road you’ve never driven stops you from getting lost and confused in the middle of nowhere. The urge to be right about something you’re unfamiliar with is rooted in a desire for social dominance, reactivity and the tendency to fuse opinion with facts. 

I could go on about this for an eternity, but I guess my last mention would be - understanding the difference between a conversation and a debate. I think it is also imperative to know appropriate occasions for both styles of dialogue. A conversation means that you’re open to being wrong, to possibly change your mind about something and able to hold space for the outlook of others. A conversation is enjoyable and builds connection. Conversations should bring clarity and exploration. Debates are often coated with a determination to be right. Debates open the door for escalation into arguments due to the abrasive counter responses. Being able to engage in objective reasoning without raising your voice or offending others is the real mark of intelligence. I love when I see a celebrity being cornered into reactive topics about their personal life, and then they eloquently side step the interrogation and reclaim their boundaries. 

The art of conversation will always be a studied technique for me. It is rare for me to meet someone whose communication style and topics of interest align with mine, but when it happens it is truly enchanting. This is how I know I’ve found one of my “people”. This doesn't mean that either of us are agreeable, we just respect each other's mind.