I MISS THE 90s

Words can't explain the gratitude I feel about being born before what has become the hyper modern world. When I contemplate my earliest memories, I recall my feet on hot concrete and the sun feeling extremely bright. I can hear the beads and barrettes in my hair against my ear. Most of my memories are warm and summery, I guess that's the result of being a little Texas girl. In a lot of my writing work, I examine the past and how it shapes the future. I study the lifestyles we’ve outgrown as a human race. I connect antiquity to destiny. I try to understand the journey that got us to the present moment. I find myself trying to preserve what I once knew the world to feel like. Maybe I praise the past because I wish my son could grow up the way I did. Maybe I just miss being adolescent and free from the inherent maturities. One thing that's for sure is that the world has changed a lot. I simply miss the way things used to be - as a girl and as a culture. 

In the nineties, almost every holiday my entire family would get together. Slowly, but surely everyone would show up. Rarely was anyone missing or not there. We would get together and it would be so loud with various laughs and yells over music and entertainment on the television. Once the dominos came out and spades were being played - the party had really begun. My cousins and I would run around the legs of all the yapping adults who weren't paying us any mind. We would play “school” and “house”. Over the years it seems people began to get sick, pass away, or stop seeing eye to eye. Some people move away or start families on their own, and then a few decades later - everything has changed. All the adults who used to come together now prefer to cook and enjoy their own homes and families. Now, the cost of travel and gathering have become factors in celebration. I still gather with family from time to time, but I’ve had to just accept that things will never be the same. I miss when the commitment to tradition was still in place. 

When I hear music from the past, I just can't believe what music has become. There’s a certain authenticity about music from the 90s and 2000s that has not presented itself to me in a long time. I understand that sounds change and people want to hear new things over time, but what about the yearning and the realness? What about the instruments and rawness in music? What about the artistry and representation in music videos? So much of what I have become has a lot to do with what I saw growing up and having a desire to be connected to that. I also feel like what I saw was something worth propagating. The standard for girl and womanhood was simply elite. Even the cartoons I watched as a child were safe and had storylines that supported cognitive thinking and appropriate storylines. There just seemed to be more substance in the world altogether. Fortunately, feelings of nostalgia still satisfy my taste for quality consumption when I enjoy media from the past. I love being able to go back to a time that felt less unfavorably polluted. 

It just seems like everything is about convenience and getting “more” in less time. Relationships used to be more meaningful and school used to be more meaningful. Food used to be more thoughtfully prepared and conversation was healing and productive. Our dependence on technology and the consolidation of all the things that made life “life” is the bane of my existence. It all makes me want to call my grandmother and take a nap by a window with the sun shining on the bed. This time period to me feels like it's fast forward for no reason. To combat these feelings of “chronophobia” which is panicking about time - I slow down and invite slowness into my daily life. 

Obviously writing is a form of slowness and is a practice that takes a certain level of concentration and commitment. I also read books to slow down and savor small details. Going for very long walks has become a major healing tool for me as it is simple, but offers space to breathe and reflect. I eat a lot at home, eating out is certainly a treat. I try to have plenty of conversations with my son. One thing I could do better is rest more and find ways to break up my everyday routine. Opting out of the “rat race” as much as I can is allowing me to be more present and enjoy now - instead of being pensive about the past. I will continue to watch films from the 90s as well as listen to 90s music and mimic that simple contemporary fashion in my own wardrobe. Maybe it all boils down to creating the world you want to be in. How has the spirit or culture of your birth decade shaped your identity?